fr. “A Combination of Things” by: P.R.

Blameless

I need you…baby, to be real

I need you to what I see, see and what I feel, feel.

Let’s listen to the beat of your heart

As you see her for the first time in months..

Let’s allow the radiance of your smile upon contact with her

To enlighten the darkness that you and I have fallen into.

The darkness into which we create asynchronous tunes,

More pleasing to the instruments than their listeners.

The darkness wherein we commit to one another

For minutes at a time,

Only to be ripped apart as the clock strikes Midnight

And the keys yearn to fall into the hands

Of a sacred driver.

One who has captivated, without attempt,

Everything ranging from the attention to the patience

Of his proclaimed subject.

One who neglects his innermost ability

To endure the results of his own honesty and contempt

You..

I need you to blame me for unearthing the stirrings of emotion

That have been abandoned due to apprehension and doubt.

I need you to know that I believe in you..

In her, in your eyesight;

In the rhythm of your heartbeat.

I believe in true love.

“Rise Dark Girls, Rise.”

S/O: Thank you @ebonyfreebird for posting this on your FB wall. :)

We did it.

Pulled the plug on a thing that had become lifeless

To prevent the emotional despair from intensifying.

Are we murderers?

Or did we save lives?

Time could never tell because the two people who were

Involved in the operation had come to a mutual understanding.

An agreement, if you will.

Perhaps one of the only agreements that they reached

Which was followed by action.

For 40 minutes

We sat downstairs in Park Manor North room 101.

Discussed the issues at hand.

Of course I initiated the conversation.

Told tales of how I knew we were not happy in “the relationship.”

He verified the details and even expanded on them when necessary.

Said he knew that I was more invested than he was.

Said he retreated because he felt guilty.

Guilty as if he had been being untrue to me by remaining in a relationship

That he knew wasn’t going to grow because he didn’t feel

Comfortable enough to “put himself out there.”

And he even said that he couldn’t fathom how I could have a relationship

With one of my blood, maternal siblings when

He was incarcerated in a penitentiary thousands of Miles away in Minnesota.

Said he wasn’t used to “that type of a relationship.”

What he was really saying was that I am too unconventional for him.

Said these reasons were the ones that prevented him

From wanting to spend time with me.

From wanting to hug me when he saw me at work.

From attempting to console me with something as simple as a text message

During my time of loss.

From trying to figure out what I really enjoyed.

Said they were responsible for  him standing in the portal to my room

Without wanting to enter.

The ones that provoked his ego  

To challenge my ideals with sarcastic remarks of dissent.

………………………………………………………………………….

For this reason, we ended the life support of hope

That was attempting to keep “us” a live.

Or rather it ended itself and we mutually accepted the decision

That it had made for us.

We were sort of the co-signers in this transaction.

The ones who signed the dotted line and made it officially over.

Our polar opposite mentalities and tactics for loving

Provided us the proper authority and justification.

And also took care of all of the contingency planning and legal documentation.

So that should we grow to regret this decision

&& wish to revive the thing that is dead,

We won’t be allotted the opportunity.

Any attempts of the sort are to result in both of us

Being indicted for medical malpractice,

And rotting together forever…

soulready:

Public speaking for me is like making love. You need to use the right words to bring your audience in, gain their trust and finally please them to the best of your ability. Strategically, I study you as I see myself planning every sentence, every breathe, every expression designed to make you feel…

And finally, solely through the power of my energy, my presence and my speech, my words become that thing you cant live without… Love

(Source: thisminimalist)

Bugles and Tea

Me: Bugles and Tea, what kinda meal is that?

Duke: A meal that fills you up and helps you survive another day.”

Me: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha 

…It’s funny, but it’s true 

She was like my own. The love that I felt-feel for her was strong enough to conjure up the perfect strands of DNA that would link my existence to the wonder of her womb. She taught me soooo much about strength and confidence and courage. She led by example. I formed a relationship with her son in high school, but she was its foundation. Meaning that she prayed for what was to become of us, and loved me without hesitation from the first moment we met. I know it because I could feel it. She saw me, and even when I thought I would never have the opportunity to be her acquaintance, she embraced me with unconditional fondness and genuine love— Love like a Mother’s love is supposed to be. 

I called her “Mommy,” the evolutionary remnant of “Mother Dearest” because she said that the latter phrase reminded her of some crazy movie wherein the mother had killed people. I guess the thought of her being a killer was unbearable, which made sense, because she was more of a builder that a destroyer. She had a soul that announced truth and held back nothing, especially if she was sure about the situation at hand. And although her son always said, “Man, she don’t know what she’s talking about,” she usually always did. She was a faithful sister of the mighty Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. When she wore her crimson and creme, my eyes beheld a sight more eloquent and self-assured than they had ever seen before. And she was the reason I considered pledging just so that I could be her soror. She was outstanding. Everything she had, she worked for it, yet she was self-less. She made sure that her necessities were taken care of first, that meant her family— Albert, Charles, Granny and Gramps Middleton, Auntie Tanya and her husband JB, their kids Carter and Jaylen, and me. I had become fortunate enough to be among the “priorities” in her life, and she among mine. And we each knew this.

There were times when I just wanted to go over her house with Albert just to hear her voice. She spoke with such sophistication and certainty that she made Soap Operas sound as intricate and intellectually charged as any philosophical work that I had ever read. I would lie beside her in her bed—she and I: just the two of us, and read excerpts from romance novels and interpret them. She was an Educator— but not just any educator. She was entrusted with impacting the lives of hundreds of kids daily, while also managing to provide the best resources possible for her own children. She was a counselor who gave me hope and taught me to rid my soul of pride because it would hinder me in ways that I could not yet fathom. She helped me to understand the importance of family and promised that within hers, I would forever have a spot— whether or not Albert and I remained together. And get this, we broke up, and then a year later, I found myself in her bedroom lying beside her as she booked me a Greyhound bus ticket that would secure my arrival back to Babson College after Winter Break. I looked at her, and even the presence of the Ovarian Cancer wasn’t powerful enough to deprive her of her beauty-internal and external. The kind that had put my worries to rest. And she could tell that I was frightened because I was afraid that she was in pain and I couldn’t help. So she did what her heart told her to do, she helped me. It was as if she could read my mind because she told me that I could help her by making an effort to do something that no one in my immediate family had ever done: finish school.

The funny part is that I didn’t even ask her for help. She called me one day and could hear in my voice that I needed a mother’s assistance even though I tried to assure her of this, “I’m fine Mommy.” She just wasn’t buying it. Maybe it was due to the wisdom that she had compiled after having faith for all of those years. She remained steadfast and prayed even though she was a single, once married mother, who was offered little to no assistance from her twin sons’ father. Not that this alone wasn’t enough to give her the title “Queen,” there was something even more spectacular about her that is currently providing consolation for her two sons. 

Albert tried calling me the night she died to tell me, but I must’ve been asleep. I called back and he didn’t answer. When I saw the time of his missed call (12:07 A.M. on Saturday, May 15th), my heart knew, but my soul was too stubborn to accept this notion without confirmation. And then I received it, by accident. Something said, “Skype your best friend.” And I obeyed. He asked me a question that immediately evoked hysterical sobs and ever-flowing tears. He asked me had I heard about Ms. Terri. That was her name. Terri Middleton Brown. And I knew then that she had been called home. I just couldn’t- can’t accept the thought of her being gone from the earth. I never knew how it felt to truly lose a friend until that moment. My heart hurts worse that it has ever hurt before. Because now I’m old enough to understand, and though some would render it immature of me to be so stubborn, I beg to differ. I have the right to feel for a soul who felt for so many. It’s not that I’m caught up in being sad that she is gone, I’m just hurt that she won’t get to directly change the lives of others as she has done mine. However, my pain was offered understanding by her son, Albert. He told me not to worry because of the joy that she implanted in the hearts of sooo many. 

Maybe I’m selfish, but I know I will always be grateful for who she was and who she will always be in my heart. 

Mommy, if you can feel these words somewhere in the universe, send me a signal to let me know that you are ok. Protect me with the wind. Smile on me with the rays of the sun. Instruct me with your whispers as translated perfectly by the trees. Mommy give me a chance to tell you how much I love you again, and appreciate your effect on my being. Mommy give me the opportunity to say 
“Farewell for now, I’ll see you when it’s my time because we are connected for eternity and we will meet again.”

Mommy, may your soul be at rest and your spirit at peace with knowing that your work on earth was not done in vain.

I promise, a piece of you will forever live within me, and the lives you have touched will go on to touch others.

I promise I will always love you.

Forever and always,

Your Friend,

“The Daughter You Never Had”

(But will always have)

❦❦❦Phyl ❦❦❦

borninflames:

Saul Williams, from the zine “Excuse Me, Can You Please Pass the Privilege?” — click the link to download. 

(via black-culture)

“I’m a recovering undercover over-lover…”

Erykah Badu

Kadia Aretha Tubman!!!!! Are you a mind reader? Huh? Have you been stalking my brain? How else would you know that I have been thinking about you since you left me here?? Lol. I MISSS YOU so much that I go into your room just to fell its ambience although I know you are not in it, lol. MUAHHHH!!!! Can’t wait for the adventures of the summer! :) And thanks love!